Razors and hurt feelings
by Bloody Pumpkinhead
Summary: Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett have a little conflict... the title says it all. This might be the suckiest thing you've ever read, so please read it! Reviews are highly appreciated.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sweeney Todd or any other movies I may be referring in this, so don't sue me. Besides, if you did sue me, I have no money for anyone. I'm a poor high school student, for heaven's sake!

**A/N:** I made this ages ago and I know it sucks. Read just for pity. Feel free to review and tell how sucky it really is! XD

(I can come up with something better than this, but this was the only writing I had on my computer in English for now...)

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**SWEENEY:** (takes his razor in his hand gently) "My precioussssss..."

**LOVETT:** (leans over his shoulder) "Oh, doesn't it shine beautiful? ...Can I touch it?"

**SWEENEY:** (turns to look sharply at Mrs. Lovett, then looks again his razor) "She wants it... " (Smiles suddenly and looks like a good guy) "Noo. Mrs. Lovett is our friend." (Looks like a baddie again) "No. She's a liar and she wants it..."

**LOVETT**: (looks at him as if he has three heads) "Excuse me, Mr. Todd? Are you alrigh'?"

**SWEENEY: **(turns to look at her like nothing strange had happened.) "Sorry. 'Twas just my friend."

**LOVETT:** (confused) "Who?"

**SWEENEY:** (lifts his razor in front of her eyes.)

**LOVETT:** (stares at it for a moment before it dawns on her.) "THAT is yer friend?!"

**SWEENEY:** (looks like he's hurt and clutches his friend against his chest.) "Yes. They're ALL my friends." "And now you've insulted him!" (strokes his razor lovingly.) "There there, friend. 'Tis all right. She won't hurt your feelings anymore..." (lifts his gaze into her eyes.) "Would you?"

**LOVETT:** "Nonono, of course not!"

**SWEENEY:** "Good." (lifts his razor in front of her again) "And now. Apologize. Say that you're sorry for him."

**LOVETT:** (bewildered) "I'm... sorry?"

**SWEENEY:** "You don't mean it!" (takes two steps closer to her.) "Say it again!"

**LOVETT:** (rubs her temples, then sighs and turns her attention to Sweeney's razor.) "Do forgive me. I'm really sorry. I didn' mean to 'urt your feelings." (notices how close the barber is.) By the way... I'm your friend too Mr. Todd..." (tries to kiss his cheek)

**SWEENEY:** (backs away) "Don't. Touch. Me. With. Your. Lips."

**LOVETT:** (disappointed) "Uh, okay..." (tries to hug him)

**SWEENEY:** "YOU BLOODY WOMAN! DON'T TOUCH ME AT ALL!" (Pulls her on his chair and puts his razor against her throat)

**LOVETT:** "But I love you!"

**SWEENEY:** (with an indifferent tone:) "Oh, really?

**LOVETT:** (huffs and shoves his hand off of her)"I 'ave always loved you, you idiot! I've loved you since the first time I met you..." (blah blah blah)

**SWEENEY:** (tires of listening her babbling and starts to admire his shiny friend.)

**LOVETT:** "...Benjamin Barker before he even got married... (blah blah blah)"

**SWEENEY:** (is deep in thought: "Hmmm... how many ways there are to kill the JUDGE...? Let's see. Strangle him... poison him... rip his brain out of his filthy head... that would be nice. Slit his throat...now THAT is an elegant way to die. BWAHAHAHA")

**LOVETT:** "...and then you came back to me!" (smiles brightly and then turns to look at Sweeney. Her expression darkens.) "...You 'aven't listened a WORD I said, 'ave you?!"

**SWEENEY:** (nostaa katseensa.) "Yes I did. You was talking about...baking."

**LOVETT:** (is hurt and enraged) "MR. T.! I just confessed my eternal love for you and you DID NOT EVEN LISTEN!!" (her eyes fill with tears) "DO YOU KNOW 'OW THA' FEELS?! I can tell you: 'TIS NOT NICE!!"

**SWEENEY:** (thinks: "...Women with their mood swings...") "I'm sorry."

**LOVETT:** "No you're not." (sniff)

**SWEENEY:** "Yes I am."

**LOVETT:** "No you're not."

**SWEENEY:** (grits his teeth) "I am."

**LOVETT:** "You're not."

**SWEENEY:** "I am!"

**LOVETT:** "You're not."

**SWEENEY:** (looks pissed) "YES I AM!"

**LOVETT:** (hopefully:) "Really?"

**SWEENEY:** "...No."

**LOVETT:** (sigh) "I knew you lied to me."

**SWEENEY:** "Good. Now get out."

**LOVETT:** "I want to stay here with you! We 'aven't settled this yet!"

**SWEENEY:** "But I don't want you to stay! Get. Out."

**LOVETT:** "But I--"

**SWEENEY:** "Don't you understand?! Bloody hell woman. Get out!"

**LOVETT:** "I don't want to!"

**SWEENEY:** "AAARGH!" (lifts her on his shoulder, stomps to the door and literally throws her out.) "OUT!!" (slams the door closed)

**LOVETT:** (pats her aching rump) "That man doesn't 'ave any manners... Don't you know 'ow to treat a lady, Mr. Todd?!'"

**SWEENEY:** (he opens the door, guffaws and then his face turns serious.) "No."

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**A/N: **Yay! This really sucks, doesn't it? If you agree with me, please review. If you don't agree with me, please review.


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